The 21st Milestone

This is the first drink of my 21st birthday! The rest of the beverages for today will consist of cold water. Exciting.

I've never really bought into the idea that on your 21st birthday, you should go all out and get hammered. I believe in partying and having a good time but not getting yourself sick. Lying in the emergency room with my stomach being pumped is not my idea of a good time.

But this year, I want to take it easy. Birthdays used to be such a big deal when I was a kid. How many people came to my party. How many presents I received. How many cards people made me.

So far, only one person who is not a family member texted me a happy birthday. I purposely deactivated  my Facebook to see who would remember. I have zero doubts that there won't be too many more after that which is sad because I have more close friends than that. I'm not going to be mad/resentful to my friends who don't wish me a happy birthday because that's just petty. But it makes me realize that I need to work on my relationships more with friends.

And ever since I've turned 18, I have felt so lost and scared. I mean, hello?! I'm 21. Where did all the years ago? I can remember starting kindergarten for the first time, moving to a new time, learning how to drive, and graduating high school. Now I'm in my third year of college. Frick.

I can't help looking back at my life and wondering if I've really grown and matured. Am I a better person? Or am I worse? What has been my contribution so far to society?

Big thoughts. I am just focused on one goal right now and that is to lose 90 lbs. Tomorrow will be the official weigh-in day but I've lost around 10 lbs so far.

Next year though? My birthday is going to be awesome.

:)