Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween!

Ah, yes. This is the result of the imagination and resourcefulness of some bored college students who took advantage of the snowy day.

My sister and I were originally going to see "The Three Musketeers" but when we looked out the mall windows, there was a huge blizzard going on outside. She and I finished our shopping at the frantic Target and got some Chinese food to go. Then we busted our asses to the bus stop and battled our way to the back for some seats. I trudged through almost 15-20 minutes of snow with my pants getting soaked by the time I got back to my dorm, my feet and legs were numb.

My sister arrived an hour later and we proceeded to stay in enjoying out Chinese food and browsing the internet. We were just glad that we weren't outside anymore.

It got worse than that. The snow just kept coming. I'm pretty sure I remember the snow started around 2:00 pm and then continued until we went to bed around midnight that evening. Cra-azines. The street lights also went out. The campus started to lose power gradually. My area was hit last and by the time power went out, I figured I should be asleep anyway. The power came back on by the time we woke up so everything worked out for us.

Oh yeah, and my school canceled classes for today. I still have homework and readings and papers to do so I can't dilly dally for long. Just saw the giant pumpkin snow head outside and felt I should document this.

I might also skip out on work tonight. Don't feel like working--and we all know sick days aren't used when you're actually sick. ;)

Not that I'll be doing anything exciting. Just some writing.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Purchasing FREEDOM.

This might be the best $10 I've spent all year. Last week I had just finished my experiment of deactivating Facebook for a whole month. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. And I just ended up scrolling through Tumblr pointlessly returning to blogs that haven't been updated. I wasn't getting any of my homework done and I felt like a zombie just clicking away while my brain really didn't do anything.

Today I don't have work so I have absolutely no excuse to sleep late or not even have some free time after dinner. Freedom helps me get things done. Knowing that I don't have access to the internet and that the only way to get it back is to 1) wait until the time limit runs out or 2) reboot my computer keep me focused with the task at hand. I will definitely be incorporating Freedom sessions daily to increase my productivity.

Also, I'm going to have to do something about the social network sites I'm on. Facebook is boring. I'm on it more to look up gossip than really communicate with people. Twitter is just a deluge of information that I don't care about--shorter version of Facebook. Tumblr is a little better because I specifically use it for weight loss motivation but still it has the potential to be a serious distraction. And there are probably more websites I'll find in the future.

Which is why I have to learn what I want to accomplish with my life. Cut out all the unnecessary things that hinder me from achieving my goals.

Putting Freedom on again to finish my paper due tomorrow.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Taking Control of My Appetite!

First year of college was an awful experience. I had just graduated high school and been admitted to my university through the skin of my teeth (since my grades were C's, D's, and an F). I lived in a dorm that was notorious for partying and being a loud area. I didn't really like any of my classes and stressed myself out by working too much. AND I was overweight and not confident in my appearances so I avoided any social interaction whenever possible.

It was a seriously bad time for me. By the time I came home the summer after my first year? I weighed more than 200 lbs. Scary, scary thought.

I used to be able to eat an entire small pizza and ten pieces of chicken from Dominos by myself during freshman year of college. JUST ME. And here's the even crazier part. I would be full after the third or fourth slice. So full that my stomach felt stuffed to the brim. But I kept eating. Even if my stomach started to hurt, I would just keep shoving food into my mouth. After I noticed just how much I was forcing myself to consume, I realized there was a huge problem.

When I came back for my second year of college, I knew something had to change. I couldn't just keep allowing myself to eat so poorly and punish my body this way. I started to exercise five times a week. Did this for almost the entire school year but for some reason, I didn't lose any weight.

That's when I really got it. I had to be serious and realize, what you eat is more important than how much you exercise. You could exercise everyday and work your ass off but if you fill your body with shitty food? There will be no change.

So for my third year of college--this year--I've been careful of my diet. I pick healthier choices by incorporating more veggies into my meals. I avoid the pizza and pasta as much as possible. I drink water and milk only as I avoid all other sugary drinks. I eat less and listen to my body. When my body says stop, I stop.

That picture above is half of what I used to eat back in my first year. I knew that while I was eating, I could stop. And I did. I threw all of that away in the trash and opened a window to air out the smell. I've lost 10 lbs so far. I've been working hard for six weeks and I don't want to completely mess it up. I know that there will be days when I will binge. But the level of binging has significantly gone down. I don't feel miserable because I'm not forcing myself to eat. I stop when I feel pretty full and throw away the rest to eliminate it as a temptation for later.

I know this may not sound like much to someone who has never been overweight or binged before but I am proud of myself. I am proud of the progress I am making. It just blows my mind how much I'm improving. Eventually, I'd like to make it so that I won't have to eat Dominos at all.

My first goal is to reach 200 lbs by November 5th. I hope I can reach that goal. Last week I was at 203 lbs and I don't know what this week will be like but starting tomorrow I'm going to kick ass so I can reach the first goal.

Never give up. Never will give up. Always have faith and push through the hard times.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Picking Priorities

There was a time when I would look down at the lowly "B" and wanted to shoot myself for not getting that coveted "A"--now I'm just happy when I don't fail. It's amazing how I have changed throughout the years from elementary through middle and high school to university. I guess grades have always been a huge focus in my life because, well I'm Asian American with immigrant parents. And I happen to have parents who grew up in the country side of South Korea. Like rural. When I visited my grandparents as a 4-year-old, I knew there was nothing normal about having to do my business in a pot which was located in the corner of a one-room home. Or when you have to take a bath in a giant tub with water pumped from the spigot outside. My dad tells me how he managed a farm with his brothers. Both of my parents didn't attend college which meant that I obviously had to work my ass off (or until my nose bled).

I'm starting to really get sick and tired of this grades/GPA/honors bullshit. I'm annoyed with most of my classes where the professors will just bombard me with information already in the textbook. I hate the exams/quizzes where I'm just being tested on my ability to memorize and absorb information.

Thankfully, I'm in my third year of college and have just one more year after this.

It's not that I don't like school. I love learning. I find it fascinating that there's so many things in this world I don't understand or have yet to even discover. That's amazing. But I feel like for the majority of my life in school has just been one big giant test to see how much information I can parrot back to a teacher for a grade.

Is that what education is? Really? Because I am seriously starting to regret even attending college. . .and taking on a lot of debt for a piece of paper.

I want to try my best in class and learn everything I can. Unfortunately, I can't take in the information as fast as most people and I like turning the ideas around in my head.

So today, I am going to give myself permission to not get the straight A's. I'm going to let myself ignore the GPA and whether or not I'm going to graduate with honors. That's all such bullshit. Because guess what? The people who really do care about those things don't care about the learning process. They care about looking good in front of other people and for what? To show that you can do what someone says? Right. I'll pass on that.

I've just been overwhelmed by my classes recently and I feel like I'm mostly trying to do well because I want the good grade (A) rather than taking in the information because I actually find it interesting.

Plus, there are plenty of other personal projects that I want to focus my attention on. Like losing weight. Like writing a book.

Just need to figure out a way to graduate college and find a career that will not be a life-long attachment to a mediocre part-time job.